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Here’s how to cultivate a giving Spirit in your children.

Kids benefit in many ways from learning to be generous and caring about others. Researchers have found that empathy is the cornerstone for becoming a happy well-adjusted, successful adult. Studies show that possessing empathy also makes children more likable, more employable, better leaders and more conscience-driven. It even increases their lifespan. The best news is that empathy can be cultivated, and some of the best empathy generators are service projects to help kids step out of their comfort zones, open their eyes and expose them to others lives.

Here are 10 simple tips:

1. Prioritize Caring: Most teens value academic achievements and individual happiness over caring for others. Their reason for this? Kids believe that’s what adults value. Prioritize charitableness in your family chats. Be clear that you expect your children not only to do their academic best, but to care about others. display photos of your kids engaged in thoughtful endevours, rater than just showcasing their school successes, athletic prowess or having them look cute on camera.

2. Be a charitable role model: The old saying “Children learn what they live,” has a lot of truth to it. Studies show if parents or generous and giving, kids are likely to adopt those qualities. So show your child the joy you get by giving. There are so many daily opportunities: phoning a friend who is down, feeding and collecting blankets for the homeless, volunteering at the food bank. After volunteering, be sure to tell your child how good it made you feel.

4. Acknowledge Charitableness: whenever your child acts in a kind-hearted way say so: Thank them for being kind or helping out. Also, let your kids overhear (without them thinking they are supposed to) you describing caring qualities to others.

5. Use real events: Instead of just bemoaning bad news, talk about how you may help in the local community. It could be donating items to help after a publicized fire, or thinking about ways to assist the most vulnerable like the homeless during winter. You can start at home too, such as teaching them to be there for a family member who is going through a hard time.

6. Start a “giving plan”: Encourage your child to give a portion of their allowances to a charity of their choice. provide three plastic containers for younger kids or envelope for teens that are labeled “saved,”spend” and “give.” Then help them to decide which percentage of their money is to be allocated to each container.

7. Find your child’s passion: Kids are more likely to want to get involved in service projects that match their interests. Help your kids choose something they are good at and enjoy doing. If he loves reading, read to the blind; enjoys writing, be a pen pal to an oversees orphan; like sports volunteer for the Special Olympics. You get the idea.

8. Make charity a family affair: Find a service to do together, like serving in a soup kitchen. If your child enjoys volunteering with friends ask if they would like to do there project with friends. Or they can form a club with neighbors, classmates members of a scout or church group.

9. Recap their impact: Research has found that children who are given the opportunity to help others tend to become more helpful, especially if the impact of their actions is pointed out. So encourage your child to reflect on their volunteering experience: “What did the person do when you helped? How do you think they felt? How did you fell?” Remind your kids that their caring efforts are making a difference.

10. Keep giving: A once a year day of volunteering is rarely enough for a child to adopt a charitable mindset. Look for ways to help your children experience the joy of giving on a regular basis: baking an extra batch of cookies for the lonely neighbor next door, adopting an orphan overseas (a portion of their allowance each week goes to that child),singing at a nursing home to add a little joy. The goal in getting kids involved in charity is not about winning the Nobel Peace Prize, but to give them the opportunity to experience goodness.

Between conversations with several mother’s, a few books on the subject, and talking to boys directly, I have come up with what I think are the eleven most important things…                                                                                                                                           

Here they are:

1.  A safe place to figure themselves out:
It happens almost every day, and sometimes many times a day:  Teenagers are always changing.  They will change their clothes.  Their mood.  How they walk, talk or what they’re into.  Some days they just need to figure out what feels right.  Some days nothing feels right.  Being a teenager is hard.  Sometimes the greatest job as Mom is to act like you don’t even notice.                      

2.  Boundaries:
Our boys need to know what is absolutely okay, and what is absolutely not.  They may resist rules, but deep down they feel safe when there are clear-cut rules without exceptions.  Make them clear and consistent, and have absolute consequences in place for when they break rules.  Boundaries = Security. 

3.  Freedom:
Within those boundaries, teenage boys need the opportunity to stretch their wings.  Teenage boys should be encouraged…Even pushed–to try new things, to take some risks, to find adventure.  Given enough opportunities for healthy adventure, they will avoid a lot of trouble.  (Remember–“Idle hands” and all of that…) Keep them busy doing character building, exciting activities and watch them become men before your eyes.

4.  A Listening Ear:
Boys need to talk.  Even the quietest ones will open up when given the chance.  Get them alone, in the car or wherever you can, and make it clear that you want to hear about their interests, and their lives.  Be patient, and try different times and places until you figure it out.  Push through the ‘awkward,’ and bring up subjects that make boys squirm (hello puberty!); it will be a challenge but don’t give up on this subject matter.  This makes it clear that you’re OK with any and every topic, and will always be available and comfortable talking. Listen more and criticize less.

5.  A Sense of Humor:

This is the good stuff.  Teenagers…are hilarious.  This may be one of their very favorite thing’s about these years.  No more knock-knock jokes or bad made-up jokes that never seem to come to a conclusion.  Teenagers actually GET STUFF.   There’s hardly anything like the bond of a good joke or a hardy laugh.

It’s a hard world:  A good sense of humor will get your kid through many trials in life–So encourage it.

6.  Touch:
Your teenage son will likely pull away from you physically, and that is normal, albeit painful.  But even the most rigid, sulky teenage boy needs hugs from Mom; Dads should make this a practice as well.  Don’t get awkward and keep a distance.  Create a “hug a day” rule or something that makes it routine and normal.  He’ll love it even if he refuses to show it.

7.  Genuine interest:
What does your teenager love?  Learn to love it too.  Know at least enough about what they are passionate about so that you can have a decent conversation.   This will keep doors open greater than any other gesture you can make.          

8.  Forgiveness:
Teenagers will make mistakes.  Lots of them.  They’ll act selfish.  They’ll space out.  They’ll get insecure and do stupid things because of it.  They are going to mess up so much you’ll wonder where you went wrong.  If you know it’s coming, it won’t throw you off.  Consequences may be in order, but so is a whole lot of grace.

9.  Direction.
Listen Mom:  Your teenager actually WANTS you to give them guidance.  Sure, they’ll act like they don’t, but they do.  Keep it relevant, and as brief as possible, but when you see them facing forks in the road, go ahead and speak some good solid words of advice to them.  Share a Bible Verse that fits their situation.  Quote someone they might respect.  You are their greatest resource they have, and they need your direction. They’ll thank you, even if it takes twenty years.                                                                                                                                                                                            

10.  Encouragement:
It’s hard to be a teenager.  (remember?)  The world will yell and scream all kinds of negatives to your son.  So be his greatest fan.  Be his cheerleader. Believe in him with your heart, and tell him that you do.  Every.  Single.  Day.  I’m not talking about phony, contrived encouragement (Everyone is a winner!) but the authentic kind that finds their greatest attributes, and it speaks to them boldly.

11.  An example:
Our kids are watching us.  They get a lot more of an idea about what is right, wrong, good and bad from what you do than what you say.  So take your position seriously.  No, you’ll never be perfect, and you can tell your kid that–but don’t use that fact as an excuse to be lame.  If you don’t want them to swear, don’t swear.  If you teach them to speak well of others, make sure you do the same.  Probably the greatest thing you can do for your son is to model the kind of person you want them to be.

A common key to pretty much everything that’s been stated here is that Mom is involved in the teen’s life.  To listen, or discipline..to share a joke, or a hug…you need to be in close proximity to your kids.  For those moms that work long hours or cannot be physically involved in your children’s lives, I encourage you to creatively find solutions for this.  You will never regret making sacrifices or adjustments so that you can be present for your children when they need you.   And the thing with parenting is–you’re never really sure when they’ll need you.  So being there as much as possible is key.  Do what you are able, rely on others to help when you’re not able, and put your job as parent before anything that you possibly can.